


Far from Sanity

by NiaChase



Series: Heal Me [2]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Allen/Darrel, Angst, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Brain Damage, Coma, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Happy Ending, He's very sick, Homicidal Ideation, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Part 2 baby, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Sex, Seizures, Separation Anxiety, Sex Addiction, Sleep Deprivation, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, Temporary Amnesia, Therapy, Vomiting, suicide ideation, traumatic events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-03-30 23:23:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 18,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19037629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiaChase/pseuds/NiaChase
Summary: Starting over can be hard. Especially went you just survive trauma. You watch people die in front of you, a friend suffering commits suicide by your hands. Or you could be suffering from a head injury, not knowing what happen a year ago. Both trying to live life normally, but sometimes, things just don't work out. Life has other plans. Even if it means getting your hands bloody.Snippet: They may be broken, cracked, or never be able to fit for society, but they will figure out how to live a happy life for themselves. It won't be perfect but they are okay with that because to them, it was.





	1. Aftermath: Allen

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the people who read the first one and thank you to the people who clicked on the work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *PTSD  
> *Anxiety  
> *Dark thoughts  
> *Nightmares

Allen came from his therapy session with tears in his eyes and a light heart. Talking to his therapist always left him emotional. He spoke about how he felt at the moment, what triggered it, and what to do when that time comes again. Writing it down tends to help.

Sometimes talking to his mother and friends, but he never wants to give them everything. He witnessed death, some he caused with his own hands. He could never sleep right without seeing the sight of his victim's blood or hearing gunshots. He always panics and yells in his sleep.

Allen felt horrible that he would wake up his mother and she is the one the hold him while he cried. He always considered running away and living on the streets, but even then, he was scared. Part of him thought he was still being hunted down. Allen didn't know what to think or do.

So he just acted. Three days later, the cops found him panicking in an alley next to a dumpster because a hobo was afraid of Allen speaking gibberish and not responding to no one. Allen's mother gave him an earful, but was overall happy he was safe and unharmed.

After that incident, Allen's mother gave sent him to a therapist and made sure he took his meds every morning. He waited outside for his mother outside the clinic, still thankful his mother made him go here. Sadly though, he was still scared of driving a car.

At least, not on a highway. He still remembers when he made that car wreck. Darrel almost died there. Darrel almost died period. Darrel was a self-sacrificing idiot Allen still loved. Darrel was also suffering in ways Allen will never know and it hurt Allen heart how he'll never understand.

Darrel was suffering from TBI aka Traumatic Brain Injury. It was moderate to severe, but Darrel was a strong person and someone Allen would forever admire. Allen's mother pulled up and Allen sat in the backseat with his notebook full of inner thoughts and dark secrets.

"How was this session, Al? Anything you want to talk about?" His mother asked. Allen didn't feel stable enough to talk quite yet. "The session went well mom. And I don't feel like talking about it yet." His mother nodded understandingly. Allen bit his lip before asking, "Have you hear anything about Darrel?" His mother sighed. 

She believes it would help if Allen stayed away from Darrel, figuring separating the two so their lives would go a bit more smoothly. That only caused fights between Allen and his mother.

Knowing how sensitive Allen was on the topic of Darrel, she carefully picked out her words. "Son, I haven't heard anything from Darrel's brothers or friends, but I'm sure he's doing okay. In the meantime, you should be focusing on your first day of school in two weeks. That is if you believe you'll be alright." 

Allen nodded, noticing how his mother changed the subject. Allen decided to ask his friends later. "I will. Maybe I can go to the local stores to get school supplies tomorrow." Allen's mother hummed. "I see no problem with that." Allen's mother had been picky where he should go, not wanting him too far away.

The Rome incident and four months of being supposedly dead really scared her. They rode in silence the rest of the way till they got home. Allen went straight to his room while his mother called out that he was fixing dinner now. He went straight to his desk and sat his notebook on his desk.

He was considering writing more, but change his mind. He can't handle it right now to think back at the memories yet. So he got on his bed to rest, but his mind raced against his control.  


**You're a murderer.**  


**You're a psycho.**  


**You don't deserve to live.**  


**You killed him.**  


**BANG!**  


"AHHH!!"  


Allen covered his ears as if to protect himself from the voices. His mother rushed in and coaxed him from his mind. "It's okay sweetie. I'm here. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's right honey." Allen started breathing evenly, his head starting to hurt.

Okay, so the therapy session left him very emotional, but his heart was still light. He was glad he shared it with someone, but it only meant that memory would still fresh to think about. His mind was a dangerous place for him, but he had nowhere to go when it comes to thinking. 

"I'm okay now, mom. Can I take a nap?" Allen's mother looked worried but nodded. Allen got comfortable on his bed and focus on his breathing. Like always, his mind strayed to Darrel. He hoped everything was alright, but he highly doubts it.


	2. Aftermath: Darrel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Persistent Headache  
> *Depression  
> *Confusion/Forgetfulness  
> *Seizure  
> *Weakness
> 
> I love Therapy dogs. And Good Friends.

Darrel was always in pain. His head always throbbed and sometimes worsens, sometimes he would forget his name. He would sleep days at a time and suffer from seizures and always feel ill. He could barely move his body, but he was getting better. 

He had to wear glasses since his eyesight went blurry. His brother's tried to help him the best they can. They moved around furniture so the place had more openness. They gave him a dog that would help with his mental depression and his seizures and his fainting spells. Such a good dog. He had to take meds at certain hours, has to be woken up at certain hours or he won't wake up for days.

Darrel felt like a burden to his family and friends. He felt immobile. Stuck. Also confused. He doesn't know what happened to him. He remembers going to Rome with his friends but doesn't know what happened after. The funny thing was that he'll have nightmares, but never remember what it was about.

It was cruel, he knows that. But he felt that he forgot something important to him. Something near and dear to him. He has no clue. He knew it had something to do with Allen. Why else would he be by Darrel's bedside.

They don't like each other. He thought maybe Allen had something to do with the state he was in, but he knew Allen wasn't that cruel. Maybe he was there. He didn't know. Part of him didn't want to know.  


Okay, that was a lie. He do.  


But his brother, the older one, what his name? The doctor one. It had the same letter as his own. Drake? David? Danny? No, wait, Daniel. That's right. Daniel said it was his brain's way of protecting itself. When the time was right, he'll remember. But until then he was supposed to heal. How was he supposed to heal though if he doesn't remember what happened in the first place?

Darrel sat up in bed, out of the covers since he was hot. His dog, a German Shepard name Daisy due to her light coat of fur, whine and sat up, looking at Darrel. Darrel was starting to stare at the wall for a moment. Darrel was trying to figure out what his other brother name was.

Or his own name really. The dog came up the bed and lay Darrel down, which he didn't mind. He was starting to see darkness anyway. Darrel's legs and arms started jerking uncontrollably. Daisy pressed her body next to Darrel, turning him to his side so Darrel had better airway. 

Daisy barked a couple of times till Ryan and Zack came into the room and saw Darrel having a seizure. They thanked Daisy and put Darrel on the floor so he had more room to move around without hurting himself and not strangle himself with the covers. 

They put a soft pad under Darrel's head, keeping Darrel on his side. Zack tries to time it on his watch he always has on. It lasted three minutes, give it a few seconds. Darrel soon started to calm and Ryan went to get a glass of water. Zack waited till Darrel wake up to sit him up, not wanting to assume.

Thankfully, his seizures were getting shorter. The first time it happened, it lasted more than ten minutes and it frightened Zack to the core while Daniel helped Darrel while calling 911. Daisy started licking Darrel's cheek as Darrel came through. He didn't know what happened or how he got on the floor. 

His muscles felt sore and his tongue hurt a bit, but not too bad. "Darrel, honey?" Darrel hummed, not ready for talking yet. Ryan came back with the water. Zack sat Darrel up. "Thanks to Daisy, we found out. I really want you to sleep in my room so I'll keep you insight." Darrel shook his head slowly.

It was bad enough he needed help going to the bathroom. He wanted privacy. Something to call his own. Zack nodded before telling how he suffered a seizure. It was old news for Darrel. Darrel asked for water, his hands still shaking a bit. Ryan help Darrel sip some water.

Then Ryan and Zack help Darrel up onto his feet to walk him to the living room since Darrel still felt weak in his legs and hands. Zack really was about to help Darrel get stronger with his hand grip and legs. It agitated Darrel a bit, which would lead to Darrel yelling about all his problems. 

But he was too tired to argue. Sleep really was a guessing game for Darrel. Some nights, he'll get sleep while some nights, he's suffering another seizure or so confused where he was. "You'll be back together in no time. It just takes time. Okay?"Ryan told Darrel, seeing Darrel getting down.

Ryan always hope Darrel gets better. He and his friends were supposed to update each other when it was their turn to take care of Darrel, making sure to tell Allen a bit, but not enough to make him go find Darrel. Darrel was still healing and they didn't know how Darrel would feel seeing Allen. One day at a time. That's all it takes. One day at a time.


	3. Allen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: Suicide Ideation, Homicidal Ideation, Depression, Survivors guilt. 
> 
> Please be careful reading through this.

Allen was in a dark place. He was trying to figure out why he was still living. Why did he survive all that? He was nothing but a junior in High school who was supposed to enjoy a trip to Rome. But it turned deadly and it was about saving his life and Darrel's. No, Darrel saved his life. So many times Darrel save his life, and yet he was the one paying for it. He took a bullet for Allen.  


How the hell was Allen was supposed to repay for that?  


When Darrel woke up, he was so happy, only to be hurt. Darrel didn't recognize him. Darrel wasn't mean about it. That what Allen thought anyway since Darrel was confused at the time. Then again, Darrel didn't remember his own name. It was like a blessing for Darrel in a way.

He didn't have to suffer nightmares about it. Maybe after a few years of hard work to get Darrel stable, maybe he could live a normal life. Allen was willing to take the burden of the memories for Darrel. Darrel suffered too much during that time. Allen remembers Darrel panicking, drugged, crying out of fear as he held the gun, Allen can't get it out of his head. He felt like he should have been the one to get shot. That maybe he should have been dead.  


He could end it.  


Right now  


No one won't miss him.  


Everyone is living their lives.  


Allen was considering it until there was a knock on his bedroom door. Allen looked up, not realizing he was staring at his hands. His friends Nick and Steven came in with a smile. Allen couldn't give one back. "Hey man. Whatcha up to?" Nick asked. Allen only shrugged, not really knowing why they are here. 

Allen was expecting them to finally leave him. They already graduated and were heading to college. The college was local, but Allen felt they were far away. "Why are you here?" Allen asked, not really caring about the answer. "Can't we just visit because you're our friend?" Steven asked.

Allen laid in his bed, turning his back to his friends. "I don't want friends or family. I just want to be alone." Allen stated harshly, not seeing the hurt expressions on Nick and Steven's face. Allen wanted to cry. He didn't know what to do. He just wants to be done with this whole thing. What did he do to deserve this? More importantly, What did Darrel do to deserve the way he is now.  


You can end it.  


Maybe take Darrel with you.  


He'll be happy for you to end his suffering.  


"I don't think you need to be alone. Have you taking your meds, Allen?" Nick asked. It really was an innocent question, but Allen took offense to it. He turned and look at his friends angrily and said, "WHAT THE FUCK MEDS ARE GOING TO DO?! It's always meds this, meds that, here, take this med.

Oh it's not working, take this one. I'm tired of meds. I'm tired of my life. I...I just want to be alone." Allen cried that last part. He was tired and drain. He didn't know what he was living for. He killed people. It only makes it fair if he kills himself. 

Steven and Nick shared a look, processing what they heard. They knew Allen was suffering, so they would never take Allen's comments to heart. No matter how rude or mean Allen has been to them, after hearing what he had been through, he was allowed to feel this way. But they would never leave their friends behind. 

Nick and Steven got into the tight bed, putting Allen in the middle. Feeling his friends' bodies against his own, Allen started crying. He didn't know why, but it felt good to just cuddle someone and let go. It wasn't the person he wants to do it with, but it was close enough. Maybe he was wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read warnings above if you read something you didn't like. I want no negative comments talking about Suicide or lack of warnings. I'm always updating them as I go, so most likely before you read this, the tag was up. 
> 
> I'm also suffer Suicide Ideation. I know how it feel. 
> 
> If you want to share your story, feel free to do so.


	4. Darrel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty fluffy and cute.

Darrel decided to play a spy so he could spy on his brothers when they were talking about him. But he couldn't do much yet. Mostly because he would forget. So he kept notes to remind himself. The first thing he wrote was what he could remember when he woke up from his bed in the hospital. He wrote names and descriptions.  


Ryan: His best friend since Middle school. Has once dated, but remain friends. Ryan extremely cares about him to volunteer to babysit Darrel. Darrel knew it wasn't much, but it at least meant he can trust Ryan.  


Lander: Very weird, but real. Loves makeup. Lander is very careful about people and what people tell him. Sometimes takes matters into his own hands. That was backed up when Darrel was choking on his vomit and Lander saved him. Granted, So did Ryan at one point, but Darrel couldn't remember.  


Andy: Very soft guy and a very good cuddler. Very easy to talk to and very patient with Darrel when he couldn't remember. Darrel could get information from Andy if he pushes hard enough and back it up with a few details. Andy may spill the beans if he's not around Ryan and Lander. Darrel had plans for Andy.  


Daniel and Zack: Darrel's brothers and very protective. They will hold back information and made have to avoid them for a while till Darrel can get facts straight. Darrel will have to confront them at some point, but not while researching.  


Nick and Steven: Nick is a goofball with a few serious moments and currently Lander's boyfriend so Nick has some usefulness. Steven is a deep listener and able to give advice, which makes sense since he currently has two boyfriends and seems to be going strong. Also, have usefulness.  


Allen: Strong sense of connection and seem emotional when Darrel couldn't remember. Seem very attached. Unknown background with him, but since Allen always said sorry to Darrel, may know exactly what happened to Darrel. May need to find him asap.

Now that he took his notes, Darrel needed to get on a computer. Maybe he can look himself up. But the only computer he knows is the one that was always near Zack. Daniel and Zack gave him a phone, but he couldn't remember if it was his old phone. Or how to use a phone.  


No wait, yes he do. He remembers.  


Now what did he need to do?  


Darrel looked at his notes and remember what. Darrel got off his bed, Daisy following with a small wag, to the living room. "Hey, Zack?" Zack turns to Darrel, giving Daisy a quick rub on the head. "Yeah, hon? What's up?" Zack asked. "Can I borrow your laptop for research." Zack moved over on the couch so Darrel can sit.

Ryan looked up from his own workbook he was working on. "Can I ask what for?" Darrel pouted. "No. It's a secret. And I can't remember what for." Darrel looked at his notes. "Oh, right. But you still can't know." Darrel said, holding his notes close. Zack smiled. "Well, at least I know it's not for porn. But I still got to know why. And what are you holding?" Zack asked, giving me his full attention.

Darrel hid his notes behind him. "My notes so I don't forget. And I got a question. Where's Allen? I remember he was at the hospital. He never babysits me." Zack and Ryan shared a look before Ryan addressed me. "Darrel, Allen dealing with other things to take care of you, not babysit you. I'm sorry. But why do you want to speak with Allen?" Darrel shrugged.

"Because he's pretty to look at." Darrel made up. Sure Allen was handsome, but Darrel really wanted to know why Allen said sorry. "He's pretty? Allen? Are you sure that's why you want to see Allen?" Darrel pout at Ryan. "What are you trying to say, Ryan?" Zack and Ryan smile kindly at me like I was some child.

"You're not that sneaky babe. You'll get your memory when your brain deems so and when your mind can take it." Darrel crossed his arms and marched to his room. He may need another approach to get his memories.


	5. Allen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to watch out for other than the usual anxiety there is on the first day of school. And maybe a bit of Allen being anti-social, but not really focus on yet.

Allen was set for school. He had his school supplies in his backpack, meds he needed to take during lunch, and his own personal journal when he just needs to write how he feels. His mother always asked if he was sure he wanted to go to school. She told him he could get his diploma another way, but Allen wanted to live his life as normal as possible.  


Even if there was no such thing as normal.  


All he had to do was last a school year surrounded by ignorant teens. At least the teachers and the principal was there to help him. They did suggest he go to another school so he could start fresh and no one would bother him, but Allen didn't want to. Darrel and his story went nationwide.

The journey from Rome to America while avoiding people trying to capture and kill us. At this point, he had a few offers from directors and producers to make a movie of it or a show. Allen never answered because his mother wouldn't allow him. He wouldn't know how to answer anyway.

He took his meds, preparing his mind for school tomorrow, and got ready for bed. His mother watched him cautiously. "Are you sure you don't want me to drive you there? I have time to do so. And I can speak with your teachers as well." Allen already had enough to worry about.

The last thing he wants is for his mother to baby him while surrounded by immature teens. "I'll be fine mom. I'll tell you otherwise and I got my therapy to reschedule tomorrow, then Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'll be okay." Allen's mother didn't seem confident, but she smiles and kissed her son's forehead.

"Alright. Just know I'm here. And remember, if you are going anywhere else, you have to tell me." Allen sighed. His mother was forever scarred, but he couldn't even blame her. He nodded. Again, his mother kissed him and cut on the nightlight.

Allen couldn't be in the dark anymore, mostly because Allen would scare himself and his mother didn't trust him in the dark. Leaving the door open, his mother left and Allen was left with a quiet mind. He treasured it, knowing it won't always be nights like these. But a guy can wish.  


The next day, Allen pulled up to school an hour early. No one was barely here thankfully. He didn't know if he could handle the talking just yet. Allen took a deep breath. He needs to calm down. He already had breakfast, so it meant he took his meds so that just meant his next dose will be during lunch.

He looked through his bag, making sure he had everything for the third time today, then got out the car. He was supposed to see the principal than go the usual line to for his schedule. Most likely, the principal was going to talk to him. He didn't know what to expect, but he was still grateful.

He walked through the metal double doors, went through a metal detector, then made his way to the office. Other teachers were walking the hallways, giving him a wave or saying good morning to him. Two teachers, he recognized stop and asked for a hug. He nodded and listened as they said sorry or told him how they were there for him if he needs something.

The school did lose two history teachers during that trip. Allen smile and said his thanks. He carried on his way to the office. Once he arrives, he knocked on the wooden door with black bold words **Principal James P. Gordon**. "Come in." said a voice.

It was a man with blonde comb hair and glasses perched on his nose. He was typing on his laptop in front of him with another computer to his right. I took a seat and waited for him to addressed me. Principal Gordon was a kind man. If Allen remember correctly, the principal would always interact with the students, help the teachers, and address the bad students in a calm manner.

That last part was told by Nick, who was expected in the office two to three times throughout the week. Allen smiled at the thought. The principal finally stops typing and rolled his chair so Allen was in his line of sight. "You are Allen Jackson correct?" He asked.

Allen nodded. The principal smiled and clasped his hands. "Ah, good. First of all, I want to say that I'm so sorry about the horrible experience you had in Rome. If you ever need anything, you are welcome to come to me or our counselor Ms. Dunrey. We love to help you in any way needed.

I want to remind you this is a safe area for you and if anyone gives you a hard time, we will address them accordingly. So welcome back to our school Mr. Jackson." The principal stuck his hand out for Allen to shake. Allen did with a calmer smile. He really did like this Principal and how he spoke to him.

Like he trusts Allen would be okay but also remind him that he has people he can fall back on. "Thank you, Mr. Gordon," Allen said truthfully. The principal nodded and dig at the few sheets on his desk. "Here's your schedule with your homeroom on the top. 

I talked with her already so she knows as well. We will treat you like every other student here, but keep in mind your resources. This sheet is another welcome to our school and what I and the teachers want to give to the students and what we expect from our students. 

This sheet will be explained by your homeroom teacher. She expects you would be late rather than be this early. Do you need anything from me?" Allen declined. He was in high school. He doesn't need anyone to hold his hand nor have rumors started as for why the principal was with him before the school even started.

He knew for sure he would deal with something though. Word must've gotten out by now that he was coming back to school. He was going to be faced with questions, he was sure, but he would too if he was them. He didn't blame them. After another shake of his hand, Allen left with the papers.

He was already hearing people and buses now. He must've been in the office maybe thirty minutes. No matter. Allen headed straight to his homeroom. The sooner he gets there, the better chance he won't talk to anyone. Much less, talk about Darrel. 

It was no one's business anyway. Only his own. Allen sighed. He really misses Darrel. Maybe he should drop by. It had been months since he last saw him. But his mother wouldn't allow him. Should he though? Just to calm his nerves? Maybe...


	6. Darrel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty short. 
> 
> Warnings: Forgetfulness, Anxiousness, Headaches, Moment of fear (From car horn), Confusion, Lost of Consciousness, Nightmares (Not explained what he's dreaming so it's safe to read) 
> 
> Darrel gets some sun and the taste of outdoors.

Darrel decided running away from home was the best decision. He gets to see people and see the open, blue sky full of clouds. He gets to hear the birds chirping. Darrel followed a few people with a laugh and a smile. He never felt so free in a long time. 

Like he was trapped physically somewhere and in his mind. He felt like he was going crazy. There was an inkling in his head about that, but he didn't understand. He just felt freedom. That's all he understood.  


What he didn't understand was how was he supposed to get back home?  


Darrel sort've climbed through the window and ran. His brothers probably going to put bars to replace his windows. He had an inkling about that too. Sure getting lost wasn't part of the plan, but he was enjoying how he was winging things. Being out here, his mind had more freedom, but he still felt stuck though. Like he was getting somewhere with his lost memory, but something was fighting him. Like he was missing something.  


Or someone?  


No one was willing to talk about Allen. No one. It was like it was a forbidden thing to talk about. Darrel knew Allen wasn't dead. He was sure of that. But there was something important about him Darrel needs to figure out, whether his brain wants it or not.

Darrel was in control and he wants to know why he is suffering the way he is. The seizures, the confusion, the headaches, it was annoying. So Darrel walked around, a few people giving him a few glances. He must look crazy right now. He walked by coffee shops, local stores and clothing shops.

He listens to the cars going by, making him a bit anxious. He hated crossing roads. He hummed a lovely little tune to himself, not really knowing what it was. He enjoyed the sun on his skin, kissing him with warmth. Today felt nice. Maybe he should talk to his brothers about taking him out more.

Then he saw it. The one year anniversary of Darrel Johnson and Allen Jackson's survival. He saw it in the newspaper someone was reading. One year? Survival? From what? It wasn't about his father, Darrel remembers that much. And Allen was involved? 

Darrel was about to go to the stranger, once he stops being nervous and his head stops hurting, but a car horn frightens him and made him scream. People looked at him strangely, but with recognition. The car stopped next to Darrel as Darrel closed his eyes. "Hey. Darrel, it's okay. Just Zack and Nick." Darrel uncover his eyes to only see Nick's goofy grin.

It made Darrel smile and blushed. "What are you doing out here? If you wanted some sun, I could've taken you out." Darrel blushed, but couldn't remember what he was about to do. His head was hurting, so he figured he was overthinking again. Darrel shrugged and got into the car. "Sorry. I don't know why I was out here." 

Zack sighed while Nick chuckled. "It's okay. But if you ever want to go out, talk to me before you sneak out. You had us worried." Again, Darrel was so close but too late. It wasn't until he looked out the window and saw the newspaper again did he remember. One year anniversary. Survival. 

Darrel kept saying that to himself till he got home. Then he ran to his book of notes and written it down. This was important. But he also didn't understand. He woke up in December. He was told he was in a coma for at least three months. Did it happen then? But that made no sense either.

He was put in a coma in mid-September if he remembers his months right. It was only August now. So what happened? Darrel groan. All this confusion and remembering was giving him a headache. His dog hopped up the bed and lick Darrel's cheek. Darrel smile, but he was losing touch with reality.

Darkness was edging his eyesight. He couldn't control it if he tried. Darrel fell back onto his bed unconscious. While the dog went to get Zack and Nick, Darrel's mind started its tricks. Nightmares was a thing of hell and it plagues Darrel, but happily or sadly, Darrel will not remember when he gets up again.


	7. Allen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beginning of a friendship  
> A bit of worrying for a friend (Which is definitely allowed)  
> a bit of anti socialism  
> ditching school (Don't do it)

Allen mostly focused on getting through school after the first day of school. Thankfully, school started on a Friday, so that weekend he rested and his mother gave him money for school fees. They went shopping for extra supplies for each class.

The other kids looked and talked about him behind his back. The freshmen and Sophomores that knew him when Allen was once a junior, they gave their condolences to him and gave him a few cards. The new Freshmen and Sophomores just use him as juicy gossip. 

Allen was okay with that, so long he doesn't hear Darrel's name. He didn't want any reminder of what happened to Darrel on that bridge. He only wants to worry about homework. The school was a nice distraction from his mind because he has to pay attention to the teachers. 

He can focus on his class, the teachings, the homework he can do in class before the next class. The bad part was during lunch. He didn't want to sit with no one, talk to anyone, or just be around people. His therapist suggests he needs to get more social so he has more people to be around he doesn't become antisocial hermit.

She didn't exactly say that, but that's basically what she is saying. That's how Allen took it. It doesn't mean he was going to listen. He doesn't mind being a hermit or a loner. He just wants to be with Darrel. He wants to cuddle him, hold him, even smell him. Allen wanted to cry.

He felt alone. He wants Darrel, not any of these people. He ate his lunch outside, eyeing his car. He could drive to his house. Maybe even sneak into Darrel's room. Sure he says these to himself every day, but each time he turns it down, the need gets stronger every time he asks himself.  


Allen honestly has a Darrel problem and he wasn't ready to let go, no matter how much his therapist insists. Allen looked at his lunch and sigh. He wasn't hungry anymore. He got up and threw away his lunch. He walked out of the lunchroom and down the hallway. He could leave now. Just skip the rest of the day. 

"Hey you. You're one of the people from the tragic accident." Allen turns towards the voice. It was a girl. Maybe a Junior. "That's one way to say it. Who are you?" The girl got closer to Allen, Allen putting his guard up. The girl was a bit boyish in nature.

The way she walked, the way she dressed, her pixie haircut, Allen didn't know what to think. "I'm Jackie, but call me Jack. I remember you. Star basketball player in our school when I was a freshman. That shit you went through must be harsh."

Allen placed his hands in his jacket pockets. "Harsh isn't the right word, but I'll allow it. What do you want?" Jackie shrugged. "I don't know. You looked on edge. You want to bomb this joint and hit up the arcade?" This was the moment Allen should've said no, but when he ended up at the arcade, he had no regrets. 

He felt good. He had someone to spend time with, to have fun with. But after having pizza with Jackie, he still wanted to see Darrel. So they got into his car and he drove. "Where we going?" Jack said, sitting on the passenger side. "I'm just going to check on someone." Jack rolled her eyes. "Why? Is that person sick or something?

Pretty sure Mommy can handle it." Jack toyed before chuckling. It made Allen a bit angry. "He was shot in the head, raped, tortured, and killed someone in defense," Allen said calmly. Jack was shocked. She didn't expect that and instantly felt guilty.

"Sorry about that." She told Allen softly. Allen only sighed in return. Allen parked down the road and got out, Jack coming to see who, but may know already. They snuck across the lawn, avoiding the windows. On the side of the house, Allen peeked into a window he knew must be Darrel's. He moved his eyes around.

"Why can't you just knock on the door?" Jack whispered. "My mom thinks I should forget about him. She's wrong." Where was Darrel? What's going on? Someone cleared their throat. Allen and Jack turn towards the sound, only to see Nick. "Oh. Hey Nick. How are you?" Allen said, to make small talk. Nick crossed his arms.

"You're not fooling no one. Your mother is coming here now. Who's your new friend?" Allen ignored Nick. Darrel must be in the living room. Allen tried to get passed Nick, but Nick held him back.

"Look, man, you know I'll tell you if something was wrong with Darrel. Just stop." Allen grew tearful. Just once he wants to see Darrel again. Jack didn't know why no one won't let Allen see him. Sure she knew the story, but why not let them be together? Allen growl at Nick. He'll be back.


	8. Darrel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 23 of Far from Home work for the people who haven't read it. Don't have to necessarily have to read it, but it gives what happen to them and why they are both suffering. Warnings and read the tags if you do read it. 
> 
> Warning for Seizure, steps for handling a seizures, and hope for a future relationship.

Darrel was done prancing around the subject of his confusion, so he talks to Lander. They sat in the living room while Daniel was working and Zack was shopping. This was his chance. "Hey Lander, can you talk to me for a bit?" Lander looked up from the book he was reading.

"Yeah. What's up?" Lander asked. "I really want to know why everyone is keeping what happened to me a secret. And why haven't I seen Allen? When I was walking on the streets, I saw in a newspaper that it was the one year anniversary of my survival. What happened to me?" Darrel asked.

Lander watch him for a bit, thoughts going through his head. Darrel sighed. He was ready to take on the pain that would come when he gets his memory. He knew he probably went through something drastic, but to lose a year of your life that you can't remember was something he thought he was worse.

"Let's go for a drive." Lander said out of nowhere. Darrel was confused but got up defeatedly. They got into Lander's car and Lander drove, ignoring Darrel's sad face. After fifteen minutes of Lander's music being the only noise in the car, Lander parked at a house. Darrel figured it was Lander's house. "Stay here."

Darrel nodded and watched Lander get out the car. He walked up to the door and knock. The door open moments later with a woman. Lander and the woman talked, the woman looking a bit anxious. Then the woman nodded and gesture inside the house. A male came out.

He looked tired and a bit mad, but it was quickly changed to shock when he looked towards the car. Darrel recognized him as Allen. He didn't know if he should hide or not. The male looked back at Lander before heading towards the car as Lander and the woman sat outside. Darrel felt afraid, but this was his chance.

He held his notepad and pencil close, more for comfort nowadays than for taking notes since no one tells him anything. Allen opens the car door and got into the driver's seat. He looked shy as he smiles at Darrel. Darrel's head started hurting, but he ignored it. It's always hurting.

"Hey." Allen said quietly before blushing. Darrel thought it was cute. "Hey. Um, I'm sorry if you were busy. I asked for you." Allen smiled. "Really?" Darrel looked down shyly but stopped at Allen's hand. It had a long scar in the middle of his palm.

"What happen to your hand?" Darrel asked. Allen looked at his hand. "I wasn't careful. But alcohol was the worst part." Allen chuckled. Darrel grabs Allen's hand. The scar was on both sides. What was Allen doing carelessly? "Does it still hurt?" Darrel asked. Allen shrugged. He seems more comfortable now. 

"Sometimes. Other things hurt more." Darrel had a strange urge to kiss it. Or something about a kiss that's tied to Allen's hand. So Darrel lean down and kissed it. Allen was shocked but savored Darrel's lips on his hand. He also wanted to cry.

"Why did you do that?" Allen asked. Darrel shrugged. "I thought kissing it would make it better" Darrel responded. Tears slid down Allen's cheek. "I thought you can't always kiss it better?" Allen asked, his voice breaking. He remembers being in that bathroom in the library. How Darrel held that bottle of alcohol and pour it over Allen's hand.

How Allen asks if maybe Darrel could kiss it better than pour it. Darrel still poured it, but he earned a kiss afterward, so it wasn't so bad. "I could always try," Darrel answered. Darrel's head really was hurting now. Something about Allen's hand was bugging him.

Also him being in the driver's seat frighten him a bit. He still ignored it. He likes being with Allen. It was nice. "What's the notepad for?" Allen asked. Darrel let go of Allen's hand and held his notes close. "It helps me remember things I keep forgetting.

I can be forgetful at times." Allen nodded like he understands. Before he could speak, Allen turns towards a car parking in front of Allen's house. "That must be Steven and Nick. You remember them?" Allen asked. Darrel nodded. "I do. They all take turns babysitting me. I think I have Steven next week. Do they babysit you?" Allen shook his head.

"No. My mom does that enough. They come by to talk to me. If I want to share something with them that I won't talk to my mom about." Darrel chuckled. He could imagine a few things he wouldn't share with his mother...if she was alive. Wait, why wasn't she alive? And why was his arms tingling?

His fingers were starting to twitch against his control. "Are you okay?" Allen asked. Darrel felt his heart start racing and his head was hurting a whole lot more. "Lander," Darrel said before he loses consciousness. Allen quickly got out of the car and called for Lander.

Lander, Nick, Steven, and the mother ran over to the car as Allen ran towards the passenger side. Darrel jerk in his seat, the seat belt getting in the way. Allen removes the seat belt and took him out of the car. Lander and Nick took over as Darrel jerked, putting a blanket from the back seat under Darrel's head.

Steven looked at his watch. "Aren't - Aren't you supposed to put a spoon or something in his mouth?" Allen asked. He was worried about his friend. "No, it'll do more harm than good. He just has to go through this. He got this." Steven said before saying two minutes. Lander talks softly to Darrel. As Darrel was starting to still, Nick turn Darrel to his side at four minutes.

Darrel's breathing was starting to slow and he started to drool a bit. He was still unconscious. "C' mon babe. Breath for me. I'm here." Darrel started to cough a bit. Nick and Lander whispered to him, telling him it was okay and to keep breathing.

Steven turn to Allen. "Think you can handle that?" Allen was frightened for Darrel. But seeing Darrel okay calm him. If his friends can do it, he can as well. "Teach me how so I can do it later," Allen responded. Steven smile. Maybe there's hope for Allen and Darrel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I missed something that should be included, please let me know and I will add to this chapter and also future chapters.


	9. Allen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks of Past sufferings  
> Frank (R.I.P) Chapter 11 and 12 of Far from Home  
> Dark thoughts  
> Suicide ideation  
> Numb feeling or out of body experience?  
> Survivor's guilt
> 
> Be careful reading through this please.

Allen kept hanging out with Darrel. They hung out after school after Allen was done with homework. They would sit in Darrel's room, softly listen to music, and Darrel would want to know how was Allen's day at school. Sometimes they wouldn't talk and just hold hands so they knew the other was there.

It made Allen's day, but really made him nervous. He was afraid of Darrel gaining his memory. Sure Darrel forgot about them getting together, but it was like something out of a movie instead of a normal teenage life. Then again, their lives were never normal once they were kidnapped in Rome.

Too much traumatic events happened and yet, the guy was still alive. Whether he was in jail in America or Rome was something Allen didn't like to think about. His nightmares all pointed to him being alive which meant Allen was in danger.

"Why don't you have a sleepover with me?" Darrel asked. Allen shrugged. "School for one. And therapy for me is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and it's getting pretty exhausting." Allen got up on his feet. "What for?" Darrel asked. Allen shrugged. "Nightmares.

Hasn't been a full year of peace and I don't think next year would be very kind to me." Allen smiled in pain. Life hasn't been kind. He looked at Darrel. "It'll be a while before I get my sanity back." Darrel looked sad for him. Like he didn't go through it as well.

Allen didn't know whether to envy him for not remembering or be glad. But he did felt alone in this. "Must've been horrific for you," Darrel stated softly. Allen looked away. Frank still plagues his mind. A year of torture to survive and Allen only suffered for four months.

"Others suffer worse than me. I shouldn't complain. The fact that I'm alive is enough proof of that." Allen said. Darrel got up and hugged Allen from behind. "But they are not you. They didn't go through what you went through. They don't have the same mindset as you.

You can't compare to others, Allen. I think you are strong for trying to live life afterward." Allen smiled. "Some days are worse than others." Allen felt Darrel shrugged against him. "You're allowed bad days. There are days when I feel sick and can't remember what just happen.

Or I get seizures and sometimes, I can't wake up. I think we would be insane if we didn't feel any effects." Darrel explained. Allen was tired of talking. Hearing what Darrel was suffering from just made him feel guilty for not taking the bullet and not killing the guy. 

Allen still had the urge to sleep with a gun or weapon of some type. He would, but his mother cleans his room just to snoop and takes away all the knives he tried hiding. His mom doesn't trust him at all.  


Or his therapist for that matter.  


"Can we sleep together? I'm tired." Darrel nodded and led him to his bed. Allen got on the bed and laid down. His mind was trying to talk him down again, but he started to focus on Darrel cuddling against. He focuses on the peppermint scent in his hair and the body heat Darrel gave him. His life honestly suck.  
\------------  


**Help Me!**  


**You killed him!**  


**You couldn't even get revenge right!**  


**Why are you even alive?**  


**Go Kill yourself**  


\--------------  


Allen woke up with sweat, looking over to see Darrel peacefully sleeping next to him. Then he felt something wet and cold by his hand. Allen looked over to see Darrel dog. Allen patted the light-colored fur, feeling himself calming. "I'm fine. I'm okay. He's okay." 

The dog licked his hand, her brown eyes staring at him. "Okay fine, I'm lying, but you don't have to look at me like that." The dog said nothing but wag her tail softly. Allen sighed and got off the bed, trying not to wake Darrel. Allen walked groggily to the living room, realizing it was dark.

His mom should be here now. His thought didn't disappoint when he saw his mother talking to Darrel's brothers. She was drinking tea, informing Zack about something while Daniel seemed to be trying not to laugh. "Mom." They all turn towards Allen, Zack looking relieved.

"Hello darling. You're up. I figure to let you sleep for a bit, not wanting to surprise you. Have you eaten yet?" Allen shook his head, his head feeling lighter and not ready to process information yet.  


Or just think in general.  


Or be alive. Why is he up anyway?  


"Then we'll get something on the way home. Have you thought about homecoming?" Allen couldn't be bothered about homecoming. But knowing his mother, she would like for him to be normal as possible while keeping him sheltered from the darkness of the world. 

It annoyed him. Allen simply stared at her. His mother got the message. "Well keep thinking about it. It might be fun for you to hang with your peers." Allen still stared at his mother. She really was wasting her efforts on him. Maybe he should tell her to stop believing in Allen. 

"Well, let me know before it's too late. Let's go home." Allen felt his body move towards the door but he wasn't fully there. Like his mind is still sleep or in a foggy place. Allen didn't know what to do about that, but why bother? He'll just end up dead one of these days anyway


	10. Darrel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff

Darrel was getting tired of everybody and everyone. He was going to find out one way or another. So he made future plans. Plans he can't act on right now because no one trusts him. First on the list was to talk more with Allen. He got Allen to talk a bit and gathered that Allen was suffering from whatever happened, but wasn't going to share with him.

Maybe if he gets Allen to talk more about what happened, he'll get a little more to work with. But I can't ask every day. But with his own growing fast affection for him, maybe he could use that as well. As rude as it may be, Darrel was pulling on threads. Next on his list was to talk more with Lander. Lander was strict like Zack and Daniel, but follow his own way of thinking.

Give him a good reason, and Lander would give a little. Darrel liked that about him. He would go to Ryan, but Ryan was more worried about him, so it meant Ryan was more stuck in his ways to keep Darrel in the dark.

Darrel just has to wait for four weeks to talk to Lander, which meant Darrel had four weeks to prove Daniel and Zack that he's getting better. The seizures were getting fewer and the medicine helped, but it depended on how stressed Darrel gets or how close he was getting towards the truth hence the headaches. 

Darrel really hates those. The third thing on his list was to talk to his dad. Darrel still remembers the sexual assault his dad did to him and Darrel was counting on it. Darrel knew his father had an illegal love for him, so he knew he would know what happened to Darrel during that whole year.

His dad still had eyes still walking around so his dad can still get information on him. But first, he needs trust from everyone else. Darrel was getting annoyed. This was going to take a while.  


Darrel heard a knock on his door and looked up. Allen was here, but with a female. She looked a bit goth if not for her light olive tone. She wore baggy pants with two chains and a tank top with a rainbow skull. She had a few tattoos on her arms that Darrel liked, but not his thing.

Her pixie haircut looked a bit feminine at least. He couldn't see Allen befriending someone like this. "Um, hi," Darrel said, gripping his notebook. How did they get passed, Zack? "Hey, Darrel. I asked Zack if maybe you wanted to come shopping with us for homecoming. He's coming as well if that comforts you." The girl seems to be analyzing him.

A name floated in his head, but it didn't fit the person. "That's not Ashley. It is a step up though." Darrel suddenly remembered the girl. She was stuck up girl Darrel honestly didn't like. Goth girl and Allen shared a look before turning to Darrel again. "Oh no, we're not dating. We're not even going together. My name is Jackie, but call me Jack." Jack walked in and shook Darrel's hand. Allen was still confused. "You remember Ashley?" He asked.

Darrel shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so. She's the bitchy one." Darrel felt himself getting mad for some reason. Like someone peed in his cereal. Darrel decided to add that to the list as well. As mad as he was, she might help him. Or just don't because she may hate him, but he should at least try. Allen smiled. "Sure. The bitchy one. Anyway, are you coming?" Allen asked.

Darrel nodded. He needed to get out of the house anyway. So he told them to leave so he could put on his clothes. Once done, he prepared Daisy's food bowl and said goodbye. They all got into the car, for some reason, Allen wasn't driving. Jack and Zack was in the front while Allen and Darrel sat in the back.

Darrel held his hand, mostly because it felt nice and he received a nice smile from him. His blue eyes still held sadness though. After a thirty-minute drive of listening to some music, we all got out. We were at the mall. As we walked, it was evident Zack was trying to give me space, but he wasn't far away to lose him. "So who are you going with then?" Darrel asked.

It low key bugged him that Allen would be dancing with someone else. Allen squeezed Darrel's hand. "Well, I wasn't planning on going to the dance at school." Darrel was confused. Allen didn't answer his question either. "Then why are we shopping for homecoming?" Darrel asked.

"Because I do plan on dancing with someone." Darrel kept quiet. Allen wasn't making sense. They enter the mall and Darrel smelt the food first. The food court was the best place in the mall. Zack led the way to shop for the best suits for a good price. Apparently, Zack's friend worked there.

"How's therapy working for you?" Darrel asked. He was considering it as well since after he'll get his memories, he'll need it. "It's fine so far. I'm very antisocial by her logic and I need to learn how to talk to people. I also tend to horde my feelings than rather talk about it.

There still some things I wouldn't talk to her about." Darrel huffed. "Like your lack of love life? I understand." Darrel turns to look at Allen, catching him rolled his eyes and lightly hit him. "Very funny. I do talk about that thank you." Darrel chuckled. He didn't believe a word Allen said, but it was fun picking at him.

Nice to have a bit of humor. When we finally found the store, Zack went ahead and talked to his friend. "So why are we here again if you're not going to Homecoming in the school and have no one to dance with?" Darrel asked, thinking this is pointless. "I hope I can dance with you. I'm arranging a few things and I thought it would be sweet."

Darrel was shocked and flattered. But he still didn't understand something. "Then why are we getting tuxes?" Allen nodded towards Jack. "She likes to stand out and really don't like dresses." Darrel smiles and wrapped an arm around Allen. Allen kissed the top of Darrel's head and they waited for Jack and Zack, who was looking at tuxes.


	11. Allen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy with light Angst towards the end. Not outright said, but you can get the picture. But mostly Fluffy and Humorous.

Allen was in his good clothes as his friends help beautify the garage with colorful lights, balloons, and a decent playlist. Then after the dance, he and Darrel were supposed to be sitting in the driveway and look at stars. It was romantic and something he wanted to do with Darrel since his crush. That and make a portrait of Darrel.

He's still trying to work up the energy. "Are you sure this is okay? Is this too much? Crap! Where's the food or snacks?" Nick groan while Steven chuckled. "Look. Shut up and let me work my magic. By the time you get back with Darrel, this place would make the homecoming dance a children's party." Allen looked pleadingly at Steven.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Now just focus on you driving to Darrel's house. Oh, and are you going to give him flowers?" Allen shook his head. "Darrel isn't a romantic. I mean, he wasn't before he lost his memory. You give your guys flowers?" Allen asked. Steven shrugged.

"Andy loves flowers because he's a hopeless romantic. If I give Ryan the latest game that comes out that he's interested in then he gives me good sex and lots of cuddling." Allen smiled. "I'm really starting to like your relationship with Ryan. How's Andy anyway?" 

Steven, Allen, and Nick heading upstairs to the living room. "He's doing fine right now. He loves working with people at his job, but he's thinking about becoming a vet to work with animals. A total sweetheart is what he is." Allen's mother had plates full of food and some snacks out on the table. "Hey dear. Do you want me to drive you there? Are you sure you want to do it?"  


Let's thank Allen's mother for making Allen nervous again.  


"Ms. Jackson, Allen will be okay. It's just a small ten-minute drive and Allen has us on speed dial if something goes wrong with his marriage proposal to Darrel." Allen slapped Nick on the back of the head. "OW! I meant the date!" Nick leaned over to whisper to Steven, "Totally a marriage proposal."

Steven covered his smiled. Within their friend and family circle, they all knew Darrel was slowly taking a liken to Allen and Allen was totally lost to Darrel. Everyone was hoping they have a happy get together, but there were worries. Allen could go back to that dangerous protective attachment with a high sex drive or Darrel could get his horrible memories and that would unlock a can of worms no one was ready to confront just yet.

It was bad enough Darrel was trying to remember, but thankfully his growing crush was slowing that down. Now everyone was waiting for them to slip up. It was going to happen regardless, but it was the matter of when. "I better get going. Should I bring flowers? Do Darrel like flowers?" 

Nick walked to his bag and pulled out a bouquet of pink peonies. "Peony means romance, prosperity, good fortune. Also happy marriage, riches, honor, and compassion. You both deserve this and I hope this honestly gives you luck." Everyone stood shocked for a moment.

"Lander likes flowers as well, but more so of the meaning since I don't know how to speak my feelings. He has a lot of dead ones." That crack a smile out of them. Allen accepted the flowers. "Thank you, Nick. Um... I better go." Allen felt a little bit better thanks to Nick. He walked out the door with a small smile and confidence that he can drive to Darrel's house, pick him up, and bring him safely back. He can do this.  


\----------------------  


He forgot what he was going to say after arriving. The drive was nice, so he wasn't worried about that. But how was he going to give Darrel the flowers? He can't just push it to Darrel's chest like a shy virgin. He has to have some class. So he walked up to the door and knocked like a gentleman.

When it opened, he froze. He wasn't in anything spectacular, but he dressed nicely in a cute red shirt and a black bow tie. A cute little bow tie. "Hey, Allen. Am I to overdressed?" Allen shook his head. "No...No, this is perfect. T-This is for you." Allen thrust the flowers to Darrel's chest.

Yep, he did the one thing he said he wasn't going to do. "Oh, thank you. These are beautiful. One moment." Darrel reached over to one of the shoes by the door and threw one. A second later, there was a cry of pain and Zack showing himself, while holding his head. 

"That hurt. You could've broken the lens. The was supposed to be a home video you know." Darrel rolled his eyes and gave the flowers to Zack, who snatched it with a pout. "Zack, leave them alone and come back so you can woo Sarah. I will make a threesome with her." Daniel yelled.

Zack rolled his eyes. "As if. He's too gay to even think about touching a breast. Let alone a chicken breast." Allen laughs, feeling the tension leaving him. Darrel blushed. "Can we leave before they say something embarrassing?" Darrel begged. I nodded, but Zack decided to speak one more time. "You know, you can stay and see Darrel's baby pictures.

There's one photo of him on the bathtub and I swear there are bubbles-" Darrel closed the door before Zack finished his sentence. There was laughing behind it and Darrel pouted. "Why can't they be normal?" Allen chuckled a bit before kissing Darrel's forehead. "I love your brothers. But let's go before your brother finds out we're still out here." 

Allen grab Darrel's hand and they hurried to the car with a smile just as a camera snap from the window, but they didn't hear it over their giggles. They felt like they were getting away with something since this was the first time they'll be alone, even if it was for fifteen minutes.  


\--------------------  


Allen was impressed with what Nick and Steven did to the garage. The lights were off so the place was filled with colorful Christmas lights. They set up a table with warm food and grape juice because Nick likes to tease. And grape juice was the best juice. Fight him.

Balloons was up on the ceiling and a bit streamers as well. The most romantic things were the old mattress with loads of blankets and two pillows in the driveway so they can watch the stars. It was a nice effort. "You like it?" Allen asked. Darrel glowed when he smiles. 

He pressed a kissed to Allen's cheek. "This is beautiful." Squeezing Darrel's hand, Allen walked him to the small table and pulled out his seat. Darrel giggled a bit. Allen sat on the other side. "I don't remember homecoming like this," Darrel said before sniffing the food and humming.

"No, it's not like this, but you're special. And I don't like a lot of people around me." Darrel nodded, trying the food. Allen did the same. "Me neither. Too crowded. And this is at least more romantic. How's school going for you anyway? I only asked because there's a chance I won't be able to go back. 

I will have to get a GED. Am I rambling?" Darrel stuffed more food in his mouth to stop talking Allen chuckled, shaking his head. "No, you're fine. I like hearing you talk. And the school is good. The lessons aren't that hard, school lunch is a bit better, but Friday's are the best because they serve curly fries and ice cream. It's just the people that get to me. 

Maybe I'm being sensitive." Allen ate his food. It'll be a while before he can act normal with other people, even with people with his own age. "You went through something tragic. It makes sense you'll be like this. I would be too if I can remember." You could tell Darrel wanted to know, but Allen wished he stop.

"Darrel, it's not worth it. It's best this way." Allen said before finishing his food. Darrel looked at him for a bit before eating the rest of his food. It wasn't till Darrel got up and extended his hand did Allen suspect something was up. "You mind giving me this dance?" Allen raised an eyebrow, but accepted Darrel's hand.

They danced to pop music with an occasional slow dance. Allen enjoyed twirling Darrel and dipping him. They laughed and giggled, sharing a few kisses while holding each other close. When they got tired, they laid on the mattress and cuddled, mostly feeling how close they were than focus on the sky.

"You know, this reminds me of when we laid in that forest. I remember where, but it was pretty dark. I think you were you were trying to tell me you were attracted to me." Darrel said. Allen was glad he didn't mention the stuff before that event. "Yeah, I remember.

But forget about Darrel. Focus on the now and the future." Darrel huffed. "Why? I hate that you're suffering alone." Allen smiled and looked at Darrel. Darrel slipped off Allen's chest and they both were on their side, looking at each other. There was no fighting the fact they liked each other more than friends as Allen slid his hands in Darrel's still growing hair.

Blue eyes look lovingly into brown ones. "As much as that is kind, I rather take the pain of what happened to both of us than have you remember what happened. Focus on what makes you happy and the happiness that is to come to Darrel." Allen pleaded. Darrel smiled. 

"You make me happy Allen. So that's why I want to know so I can understand." Allen kissed Darrel's forehead before putting his against Darrel's. "As cute as that is, you need to focus on other matters," Allen said. "Like what?" Allen answered by pressing a kiss to Darrel's lips.

It was more of an open-mouthed kissed, but Darrel didn't mind as he returns it with his own. Their arms pulled each other close, so familiar with each other's bodies, even with Darrel's lost memory. Allen got on top of Darrel, missing the feel of Darrel's body. 

Allen slid his lips down from Darrel's lips to his neck, his hand slipping down between Darrel's legs. Darrel moaned and squeezed his hands on Allen's body, the clothes feeling suddenly tight. Allen was starting to lose his mind, wanting Darrel here and now, but then he heard someone cleared their throat.

Both Allen and Darrel looked towards the sound to only see Steven with his hands on his hips. "Sorry to interrupt, but it's time for Darrel to go home and I will be driving him home with Nick." Allen was displeased but got off Darrel. Darrel grew bashful. "Sorry Steven. I guess this is a good thing he came along.

I would hate for my first time to be outside for the world to see." Darrel chuckled before walking inside the house. Allen froze. As far as Allen knew, Darrel was a virgin before the trip. His first time was...  


Darrel's first time...  


Allen refused to think about it. He headed inside with a smile. Darrel doesn't need to know. "I'll see you tomorrow, will I?" Darrel asked. Allen pressed another kiss to Darrel's lips. "Hopefully. But no promises." Darrel nodded. One more shared a kiss, Darrel, Steven, and Nick left.  


Darrel don't need to know.


	12. Darrel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll love Ashley, but nothing worth mentioning.

Darrel felt like he was getting better. Maybe it was the positive attitude he had or maybe because he was feeling for Allen and he didn't want to mess up. Sure they both suffered, but who would want to be with him and all his problems.

Allen has a chance to be better. Darrel still has to worry about falling unconscious, headaches, seizures, or his constant confusion and forgetfulness. Not exactly boyfriend material. So he practices more with Zack and whoever his babysitter was. Then Allen would come by to cuddle and talk. It made Darrel feel gooey inside.  


It meant people trusted him.  


So when he used his phone to look up Ashley, it didn't take long. She was currently in a community college locally. He looked under her profile for her phone number and sent a facebook message. Since she was online, she responded two hours later. She told him that she would meet up with him in the coffee shop near the park. That was okay with him. He just has to figure out how to get there.  


Darrel was going to get in so much trouble.  


Darrel snuck out when claiming he was using the bathroom. When the cab he called for waited for him, Darrel gave the location. His brothers not going to trust him going to the bathroom no more. So this will be his chance to do a few things. Thirty minutes later and a few miscalls, he arrived at the coffee shop. 

He paid the man and the cab drove off. Darrel looked towards the park, something about it giving him a dark feeling. He will have to check it out instead of running from it. He enters the coffee shop with a smile. The place smelt good, but he never drank coffee before, something Daniel would always steer Darrel away from.

He smelt of coffee beans and sweets. There were a few tables with people with computers, working most likely on college work. Darrel's attention focus on the female with the clubbing outfit. She was wearing a golden two-piece sparkling sequin. Her midriff was showing and her curves stood out. Her dark honey brown hair was all dolled up.

"Hurry up, I have places to be you know." She said, fixing her nude lipstick on her lips. Darrel sat across Ashley with a nervous smile. Part of him wondered why did Allen break up with her. "You look beautiful." Darrel complimented. Ashley rolled her green eyes. "I know that, but I highly doubt we're here to talk about that. That'll be a waste of time on your life, not mine. So what you want?"

Darrel figured out why judging by her attitude. "Can you tell me what happens to me? I don't remember what happened a year ago." Ashley paused checking her nail to properly look at Darrel. "Look, I may be self-centered, but I'm not cruel. There's no lying about that. So if no one told you yet, I won't either."

Ashley got on her phone. "Look, you would be doing a good deed. I'm getting better, but everyone sees me as a kid." Darrel argued. "Wrong, they see you as fragile. And you are. You're not the same as you were before. If you were, you wouldn't be begging me to spill. Ya habrías sabido."

Darrel ignore that last part, but he was surprised he understood it. He forgot he knew other languages. "Then give me something not meaningful." Ashley sighed. "Fine. Here's something. I'm sorry for going through your stuff. And your friend's stuff. If I hadn't, none of the stuff that happened to you and Allen wouldn't have happened and those teachers wouldn't have died."

She said it with a strained voice, appearing angry. This really hurt her and she was sorry. "I forgive you if that helps." She shook her head. "You're ruining my mascara. And when you remember, because you will, then tell me you forgive me. Until then, I don't want to hear it." Ashley looked over Darrel's shoulder.

"Keep a handle of your boy. It was a nice time, I won't next time." Darrel looked over his shoulder at Allen. How did he know he was here? When did Ashley contact him? "Thanks, Ashley. Won't happen again." Ashley smiled and got up. "Highly doubt that. If that's the Darrel I know, I'll see him again." She walked out, hips swaying side to side. 

Allen spared a look before looking at Darrel. Darrel shrugged. "She wasn't helpful. She is beautiful though." Allen crossed his arms. "One, you are in big trouble. Two, you're an idiot. Three, I can keep you out for a few hours more if you want." Darrel bit his lips. "Did you drive? By yourself?" Allen raised an eyebrow and Darrel grin.  


The next few hours were filled with them making out so when he came back to his brothers, he was too light-headed to be bothered with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya habrías sabido = You would have known


	13. Allen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GROWING NEED TO HAVE SEX LEADING TO NON-CON BLOWJOB WHICH LEADS TO SUICIDE ATTEMPT.  
> SKIP THIS CHAPTER PLEASE IF EASILY TRIGGERED  
> THERE IS SELF LOATHING AS WELL.  
> VERY TRIGGERING!!!!
> 
> THIS IS YOUR WARNING!!!!

During the past next weeks, Allen always went to Darrel's house because Darrel was on lock-down for running away. Allen wouldn't have thought to see Ashley again. She looks good. They were okay with each other after two weeks of the silent treatment. Now they just stay out of each other's hair. 

Allen spent some time with Jackie as well, helping her score a date with a girl she likes. She suggested a double date, but Darrel can't go anywhere at the moment. So no to the double date. Jack was on her own. Allen kept going to therapy too. Apparently, after explain how his life was better with Darrel in it, Allen was getting too obsessed with Darrel and too sex craze as well.

He's young and horny. So what every time he was with Darrel, they made out. The therapist was afraid he might push him and Darrel to the point they don't need to be. Allen argued and went to Darrel's place to make out with him and Darrel gave him a handjob. 

Sex relaxes him almost as much as keeping a weapon nearby. Yeah, he slowed down and don't try to steal guns or sleep with knives, but he does check where the knives are and always make sure there was a way out. He's better than he used to be.  


Let him enjoy sex.  


But then he messed up.  


Allen was tasting Darrel's skin with his tongue, kissing and licking every bit of skin he can get. Darrel was under him shirtless, humming at the sensation. Allen wanted more. He kissed down his chest and stomach, Darrel's breath hitching and giggling a bit. 

"That tickles." Allen hummed. He started a palming clothed cock between Darrel's legs. Darrel moans a bit, raising his hips. Allen was so close. He just wants it in his mouth and fingers Darrel to oblivion. Maybe even go raw into Darrel. He misses it. He wants it.  


He needs it.  


Allen raised his face up, breathing heavily. His hands shook when he started unbuckling Darrel's pants. "Allen?" Allen yanked the pants down to Darrel's knees, his vision starting to blur. "Allen wait! I'm not ready!" Darrel sounded a bit scared. Allen paused. "Please Darrel? I need this so much! I swear just this once!" Allen begged, keeping his voice low.

Darrel shook his head. "But Allen, I never had-" Allen grew tired of lying to Darrel due to his missing memories, but he was sex crave at the moment. "Darrel, this isn't your first time nor are you a virgin. We had sex before. Plenty of times. Now just let me suck you off for crying out loud." Darrel froze in horror while Allen freed Darrel's cock.

His mouth watered at the sight before sticking the cock in his mouth. Allen took in the familiar scent and taste, the cock hardening because of hormones. Allen moans, doing and touching Darrel's cock to Darrel's balls. He had sense enough to not try and finger him.

Darrel didn't enjoy it, but his body does. He felt his cock harden and how close he was to cumming. He didn't understand how and why Allen was acting like this. Allen tasted the salty pre-come on his tongue, teasing Darrel's balls and nipples. A little while later, Darrel cum in his mouth. 

Allen drunk it like nectar. So good. So familiar. Allen lifts his mouth. "Can you leave please?" Darrel asked softly. Allen nodded. After putting on his clothes, Allen left. It wasn't till he was driving on the main road did he realize what he has done.

He basically raped Darrel. He was like all those other people who raped Darrel in Rome. What has he done? Allen sped with hatred towards himself. Why did he have to do that? Darrel clearly didn't want it. His therapist was right. Next thing knew, he saw nothing.  


**You're Nothing**  


**You don't deserve him**  


**It's all your fault**  


**You're better off dead.**  


_"I'm so sorry."_  


He came to himself when he was on his bed. His mother was sitting on the edge of the bed, sliding his fingers through his hair. "Oh, honey." Allen's wrist was hurting, but bandage. He doesn't remember what happened, but he had a feeling of what he did. He never pegged himself as suicidal.

But once he thought about it, it was expected. Of all the people that died because of him, because of Darrel's memory, all his fault. He should've been the few that got shot in the cruise ship. He should've been burn alive. Why bother with life? "I just want to go home," Allen said sadly.

He knew he was home, but he was done with himself. He raped the one person he loves. He put someone in jail instead of killing the guy. He's so messed up, he felt like he doesn't belong in this world. Yes, he wanted to go home, the place he goes after death.

Away from all the feelings of shame and guilt. Away from his history. Away from his problem. He wants to go home, where ever his soul goes after death because he believes he can't keep living in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter came off as horrible vs. all the other chapters. Took three tries to write this chapter and very close to home for me.


	14. Darrel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to worry about. If there is, comment below.

Darrel didn't see Allen for a month and no one brought him up. Sure Allen gave him a blow job out of him without his consent, but he didn't think it warranted him to stay away. That's what it took for Darrel to get all of what happened. He didn't run away. Lander drove him. 

"Somethings up Darrel. Andy has been gone for quite a while and Ryan and Steven is panicking. This is the only reason I'm taking you because you may know where. So where we going?" "Jail." Lander almost pressed the brakes. "Jail? Why?" Lander asked. 

"Because if there's one person i know who is invested in my life, it's my dad." Lander shook his head and sighed. "Hope you know what you are doing." Lander said under his breath as he drove to the only jailhouse he knows that was close by, ignoring Zack's and Daniel's phone calls.  


\-----------  


They waited for Darrel's dad to be escorted outside where they can talk. Lander wasn't really certain of this, but he was there for support for Darrel. The guards escorted a man who closely resemble Zack. His black hair was very curly and had a few days old beard growing.

His lips was in a straight line and he seem angry, but his eyes held a lot of emotions Darrel learn to read over the years. Something bothered him. They sat him down and the guards stood back to give privacy. "Hey dad." Darrel said quietly. His dad gave a soft smile, still scanning his body like every other time.

"You're smaller than the last time I seen you." He said it with a bit of anger. "When was the last time you seen me?" Darrel asked. "A year ago before you went on your field trip to Rome." He said. Rome? Darrel turn to Lander, who nodded in confirmation. "What happened to me?" Darrel asked slowly, not sure if he wants the answer. 

His head was starting to hurt. The father raised an eyebrow. "If your brothers didn't tell you, what makes you think I will?" He asked. Darrel grew a bit angry, but this time, it was the safety of his friend. "Because they may have my friend, which in turn, may come back and kill me in the end." The father frown. "I can't do much in here and by the looks of the other guy who was with you, I highly doubt he'll let harm come to you."

Darrel shrugged. "He haven't so much as talk to me this past month for reasons I can't tell you." The father cross his arms. "Well tell him to man his ass up. His ass is planning on breaking out soon and I can only do so much. The only reason i trust him is because he made it back with you and at this point, he must care about you.

If I was out, none of this shit wouldn't have happen." The father said with a bit of an attitude. It was Darrel's turn to cross his arms. "There's a reason you're behind bars." The father smirked. "I see you're back with your smartass-ness. And I choose to be behind jail. I can leave if I want to. Now go. I have work to do." 

Darrel rolled his eyes with a smile and soon, both Lander and Darrel left. Lander spoke when he got into the car. "Seem like you and your dad have a special relationship. Where to next?" Lander started the car. "Allen's. Whether he likes it or not, I have to talk to him. My brothers is probably already there, so I need you to talk to them." Lander nodded without question.  


\------------------------------  


When they arrive, three adults was outside thoroughly pissed. "Hope you know what you are doing." Lander said. Darrel shrugged. "Just lead with the bad news and the rest will follow." Darrel told him. They both got out and the two brothers was about to get on them for leaving, heavens knows they about to put him on house arrest with an electric collar and a leash. 

Crazy thought Darrel thought up that made him shrugged. He'll put that on the list for special kinks to review later. Or the mental list that he may be actually crazy. Lander held a hand up. "Before you say anything, there's a maniac in jail ready to break out and have Darrel's head and Allen's ass." 

The fact that Lander said so calmly made Darrel wonder if maybe Lander was crazy himself. Or maybe it was the fact that Lander don't have enough fucks to give at the moment. Or it was just predictable. His brothers was silent at least, which meant they was willing to hear them out. The mother welcomed them in and they all sat down to talk.


	15. Allen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Traumatic events, PTSD, be careful reading through this please.

Allen didn't know how to feel seeing Darrel again. He looked alright, but maybe a bit worried. They all sat down in the living room, mostly everyone waiting for an explanation as to why Lander drove Darrel away without notifying Daniel and Zack. Daniel almost sent out a search warrant for Darrel's ass. 

"Now don't get mad, but I went to jail to see my dad. He didn't say anything about my past, but told me to tell Allen to man up and that someone is breaking out of prison." Allen's blood ran cold. The only reason he wasn't up was that his mother grabs his hand with a tight grip.

"Not to mention Andy has been missing for a while now and everyone is panicking. Darrel may know where considering his recent situation, but things just got worst." Lander added. Allen stood, but his mother kept a tight grip on his hand. Allen needed a weapon. A gun. A rifle. Anything. Maybe he should take Darrel and run.

Maybe they both should drive off somewhere far. To California. Or off a cliff. It didn't matter at the moment. "Can someone please tell me what's going on and why is he panicking?" Darrel asked, a bit frustrated. "We went to Rome for the end of the year field trip but then we started fighting and the teachers took us outside to talk to us.

Then there were a few people who killed those teachers and kidnapped us, you a sex slave and me a cage fighter to fight to the death. I finally found you four months later and we went on the run from Rome, Italy to Lisbon, Portugal, getting back to America by cruise ship, causing death everywhere we went.

But they kidnapped you off the cruise ship and left there to die. I found you later with the guy in prison and you got shot in the head in the midst of it. You should be dead." Everyone watched Darrel for a reaction, but he simply looked around, so confused. 

"Okay, I get you all don't want me to know, but are you serious? Did this happen to me? I think I would remember that. Also, the part about me getting shot is not funny. That's rude." No one didn't know if they should relax or not. Allen was still panicking on the inside. Allen removed his mother's hand. He walked up to Darrel and touched the place Darrel got shot.

"You were shot here. You died in my arms." He touched Darrel's arm. "Shot here before we were taken saving my life." His hips. "You were raped, Darrel. Many times by so many people. The only way to find you was to kill many people with my own hands. Many of them use me for suicide Darrel." Allen held his hands tightly. "The airport when we tried to go home ended badly. The shooting. We had to travel. Stole a car and took care of the scar on your shoulder.

You had a knife in it. We detoured so you can get on that boat ride. You loved it. That night was the first time we had sex, but that was after telling Ashley you were going to fuck her boyfriend." Allen chuckled softly. The next day, we ended up in the car wreck because I drove in front of a truck to get rid of the people who were trying to kill us.

I was fighting Raphael, thus the scar on my hand. You shot him, saving me. Then we started using sex as a means of release. To relax. Things went downhill when we ended up on the cruise ship on the way home. You told me to hide, they took you and massacre a group of people before sinking the ship. I'm sorry honey, but it did happen." 

Darrel was quiet. He sighed before letting go of Allen's hands. Allen watches him, waiting for a response. "Let's just focus on finding Andy first. If I went through that, I don't want Andy to experience that either. So, what made them want to kidnap me?" He asked. Allen felt alone now, but save his tears for another time.

"You were valuable. They were already after him before I found you." Darrel frowned. "Then we'll work with that." Allen didn't know how to feel, but at this moment, it really doesn't matter.


	16. The Event

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just Read very carefully and if you feel yourself getting triggered, just stop, breathe, and leave the work. Thank you.

Darrel wanted to kick his own ass once he was sat down in a cold room with tape over his mouth. He didn't know he was going to be snatched that quick and that easy. Like what the fuck man? He just hopes Allen and his friends can find him. He looked around and saw Andy bloody and knocked out in the chair next to him with tape wrapped around his mouth.

That just made Darrel even angrier. Andy was the sweetest person Darrel knew and deserve the best. To see someone treat him wrong seems not normal and taboo. So yeah, Darrel wanted to kick somebody's ass. He heard a female chuckle before a tall blonde woman walked towards him, with no blood on her hands.

Darrel figured she doesn't get her hands dirty and let someone else do all the work. "Finally. After a year, I finally have you. You're a hard man to get, but after everything that happened, I think I rather have you die a slow, painful death." Darrel tried speaking, but it was muffled.

He gained some of his memories to know this lady was from the tour and gave him a funny feeling. He also remembers some of the trauma he went through. He secretly had a seizure in a locked bathroom before pulling this stunt. He hopes Andy didn't go through any of that.

The woman picked up a large knife that scared Darrel a bit. Where's his friends at? Darrel knew the woman said slow and painful, but he was secretly hoping for a quick one. He has enough scars to last him a lifetime. The lady ripped the tape off his mouth, Darrel shouting in pain, but he has no time to worry about that.

"You only want me right? That's why you took my friend. Just let him go. He won't say anything. You can kill me, just please let him go. He has no use for you." Darrel told her. She looked between Andy and Darrel before turning around to talk to her men.

"Throw that one on the streets and bring this one to the top floor." She said. Her men nodded. She turned back to Darrel. Your death will be known so even my husband can see in jail." She walked away and Darrel had a bad feeling in his chest. 

\-------------------------------------

Allen ran towards the building where Darrel was being held with police sirens not too far behind him. Just as he turned a corner, he spotted and battered and beaten Andy. Allen got onto knees, taking off his jacket to wrap around Andy. He was bloody head to toe, scratched and burns littered his skin. 

His face was badly bruised and Andy had an eye missing. Allen wanted to cry. He lifted him up slowly, not sure if anything was broken. He walked towards the road, stopping a few police cars and Steven's car as well. He heard his friends get out but was stopped by the police. 

He heard Steven's furious voice and Ryan's sadden cries for Andy. Allen didn't know if Andy was alive or not, but he had hope that Andy would make it. Allen handed him off to the police, hearing the man suck in a breathe. Allen was more determined to get to Darrel now because it was probably Darrel and his sacrificial instinct that he traded Andy's life for his own. Allen was back to running.

\----------------------------------

Do you know that saying how life flash before your eyes? That happened to Darrel when he was on the roof of the building about to be broadcast to the world of his death. He has beaten up three guys and pretty sure stabbed at least once by the woman, but then they placed a thick wooden board against his shoulder blades and his wrist was tied to the ends of it, so he can't bend his arms.

It was this moment his life flashed before his eyes and Darrel was about to call it quits because he had a pretty horrible life. Like damn, can he see happy memories as well? He did think of his brothers fondly and his friends lovingly, but when he thought of Allen, his heart cried.

Allen was going to be heartbroken. All this time of trying to survive only for Darrel to give up and plummet to his death. Darrel cried. He wanted to say I love you one more time, to hold him and kiss him as well. "And Action!" The lady shouted, the red light green now. Darrel sighed. His time was up.

\---------------------------------------------

Allen barged in through the door with a gun in his hand that he stole from the police officers. He was begging and pleading with God to let Darrel be safe and okay. Let him get to him first. He ran upstairs, not finding them in any room. Allen started crying. Please let Darrel be safe. Please let me make it on time. 

Allen didn't know what he'll do if he finds Darrel dead. But he did know one thing. He was going to kill those bastards. And if Darrel was dead as well, the last bullet would be for himself.


	17. The Endgame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning for Depression and death. Please be careful reading through this.**  
>  The next chapter will be fluffy and happy.

Darrel stood in front of a camera, being broadcasted to the world with a rope around his neck. He would like to think he would come out alright. He would survive, but he was on the roof and soon to be hanged. So many thoughts bounced around his head, but one stood out.  


No More Pain.  


"Hello, ladies and gentlemen. What you are watching is for what everyone is waiting for. One year ago, this boy that you all love was supposed to make my husband rich, but instead, he is sitting in jail with you American scum. This is for you. Boy, do you want your story out?" The blond lady asked behind the camera. Those memories were too harmful to talk about. How can he? Darrel shook his head. He was ready for everything for the end. He shook his head. "Good answer."  


\----------------  


Allen tightened his grip on the gun as two men guard the door to the roof. His mind was wild and blank. He didn't care about his life. If he dies, Darrel would die. If Darrel dies, Allen would kill himself. He just wants to be together with him, during life or death. Steeling himself, he turns the corner and four shots rang out. Both getting one to the chest, then when Allen walked closer, one each to the head. He was about to press his head to the door but heard one-word being yelled out by Darrel in fear.  


"RUN!"  


Allen runs from the door, the door opening as soon as he turns the corner. The men ran after him with knives. Allen knocked down the door of the top floor. He ran down the hall, quickly reminding him of when he first found. He almost wanted to check the last rooms by the window.

Instead, he opened the window and climb out to the fire escape. One man tried to climb out the same window, but Allen used the man's body to block the window by shooting the man. Allen rushed down to the floor below, busting the window and climbing through. Allen ran back to the stairway. If he makes it to the door to the roof, he should make it.

He forgot about the other guy.

As soon as he opens the door to the stairway, his face was met by a wooden board. Allen fell to the ground, the gun knocked from hand. Allen turned to get it, but then he was kicked to the ribs, the guy moving the gun away. It looked like he was about to meet his end.

\-------------------------

Darrel wasn't going to go out without fighting if Allen came to save him. He turned his body away slightly so the blonde woman would see that hand trying to wiggle from the restraints. He was already starting to feel his hand bones become out of line. "This has gone on long enough. You will die now or by the fire, but you will not survive."

Fire?

The building shook and the floor beneath his feet was starting to crack. He heard police sirens and people on the ground gasping. His family has to be down there. His friends. "Say goodbye, boy." The floor gave away.

\-----------------------

The floor shook and it sounded like explosions, scaring Allen a bit. It was what unbalanced the man and Allen kicked him in the back of his knee. The man fell to his knees and his body was crushed by heavy debris that Allen recognized to be the roof.

The Roof!

"Allen! Help me!" Allen heard before another explosion shook the building. Allen got up weakly, grabbing the knife and his gun and weakly ran. "Darrel!" Allen called out. "Darrel!" Allen looked around, dodging debris falling around him. "Darrel!" "Floor 19!" Allen heard. It was the floor above him. Allen made his way there.

\-------------------------

Darrel was lucky the rope wasn't short, but if Allen doesn't help him before one more explosion, he was going to die. The floor cracked under his weight, making him scared to move. "Allen! Hurry!" Darrel cried out. He didn't know where the blonde woman was at, but it didn't matter anymore.

To the world, it would look like he was dead. It was going to be true if Allen doesn't hurry. "ALLEN!" Darrel saw the bloody boy ahead of him. "Please help me. Please." Darrel begged. Allen looked around but could find a way to get to him. "You got to move Darrel. Come to me. I'll catch you if the floor gives. You got to trust me, baby." Allen told him.

Darrel shook his head, too scared. He was going to fall. "Trust me!" Allen shouted at him. Darrel closed his eyes, making his way slowly. He heard each creak and crack under his footsteps, the rope tightening around his neck. "Don't let me fall Allen. Please." Allen reached toward his midsection. "Almost there," Allen told him.

**BOOM** Darrel lost his balance as the building shook, the blast sounding much closer. "Allen!" Darrel lost the ground beneath him, but Allen reached and pulled him by his shirt, yanking Darrel to him. Darrel cried as Allen cut the rope from his neck and freed his wrist before they hugged each other tightly.

"You came for me! I love you so much! I remember!" Darrel said, not really knowing what he was saying. Allen was just glad he was alive in his arms. "Let's go, baby," Allen said. They held each other and made their way down, but not before they found the blonde woman found under the rubble.

"Help me." She croaked out. Darrel hid his face into Allen's chest. That was all the answer Allen needed. He pulled out his gun. "Wait!" **Pow!** Darrel jumped but said nothing. There was nothing to be said. Allen's hand still shook though. They continued on, feeling another rumble and the building starting to collapse. But it didn't matter to them. So long as they were together it didn't matter what happened next.


	18. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was supposed to be fluffy, but this is them trying to heal and I personally love this chapter. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Warnings: Hint of Cutting, depression, hopelessness. This is healing and healing can be painful.**

**One Month after the trauma**  


Daniel was driving Darrel and Allen to an inpatient facility recommended by their therapist. During that whole month, they were inseparable. They faced support and a bit of hatred. Some believed Allen should be in jail for the death he caused or he hated Italians and Romans.

Allen actually had to go to jail for three days and that was for stealing a police officers gun. It was for a good cause and he saved Darrel from certain death, so no one really wanted to put him in jail. They were also going to compensate them for the horrible school trip and putting Allen in jail, but that was under wraps and not for the public to know. 

Daniel thought therapy, meds, and family would help. Everyone was willing to help them and talk to them, but all they wanted was release. So after the lack of talking and one time they were hurting themselves by having sex too damn much, inpatient was the next best thing. 

Darrel hadn't spoken since the accident, so he thought it was a waste of money on Daniel's part. His mind was torn to pieces and sometimes, he would wake up with pieces of his memory gone or seizing longer than five months. His doctor recommended so many meds, Darrel was tired of taking pills. 

So most days, he wasn't really there. Allen grew to hate people and had separation anxiety. He has to have Darrel in his sight or be in the same room if Darrel has to use the bathroom. He hasn't spoken to Jackie either, but it didn't matter because he was out of school again.

He couldn't stand other people and he needs to have a weapon nearby. Whether it was a knife, a bat, or a pencil, he has to have it. Daniel really hopes this helps because if this doesn't, he was afraid he was going to go to their funeral by the end of the year.  


** Two months after Trauma **  


It was free time in the inpatient and his notebook was full. He wrote a lot, cried a lot, but can never say anything. Where was he supposed to start? Where was the beginning? Darrel sat on the couch by himself, waiting for Allen to come to him. He was talking to a therapist in the meantime, mostly because he didn't like other strangers around and he habit of stealing sporks and pencils in his room. 

They sure do know how to check their rooms thoroughly. They tried to separate them by putting them in different rooms with a different roommate, but that was a bad idea on their part. As soon as Darrel started screaming in his sleep for Allen and help, Allen came to him fighting anyone who got in the way.

Allen was already up, freaking out that he couldn't see or be with Darrel. The other people tolerated them alright, but with pity in their eyes. There was a few our age, but there were a few grown men and Allen always kept an eye on them. Darrel was grateful, but he mostly didn't care.

He didn't know how to function normally. He doesn't know if he ever will. Allen came out with the therapist, not exactly mad nor sad. Maybe neutral. He came over and sat next to Darrel, holding his hand. He currently had bandages around his wrist that made Darrel's heart hurt.

Darrel waited for Allen to say something, but instead, he laid down onto Darrel's lap with tears in his eyes, absently scratching the bandages. "Do you think we'll get better?" He asked. Darrel didn't want to lie and give him false hope, so he said nothing and kissed Allen's wrist as Allen cried on his lap.  


** Three Months after Trauma **  


Darrel started talking more and saying how he felt. He took his meds, ate his food, but he still can't mingle as much. He and Allen did miss big holidays, but the inpatient facility help celebrate, but Darrel wanted to get home by Christmas. But before he could make a phone call to Daniel, he and Allen had a surprise visit from Andy, Ryan, and Steven.

They went to the quiet room and sat down in small chairs. Andy was looking better than the last time Darrel and Allen have seen him. Andy was digging the eyepatch and the scar above his eyebrow. The stupid thing was the fact that Andy was still sweet. It made Darrel jealous and Allen thought of him as naive, but that's probably because Allen went through worst shit.

"Hey, guys! How are you guys doing?" Andy said with a smile. Ryan was holding Darrel's hand and kissed his knuckles while Allen was too busy focusing on himself. He was happy Andy was okay, but he can't get that image out of his head. Who would do that to Andy of all people? It was that moment Allen felt pretty pleased with himself for shooting that woman. 

"You look well, Andy. You totally look like a pirate. Very badass." Darrel said. Andy chuckled while Steven kissed his forehead. "You should have seen me when I went to a costume party. Total badass Pirate. I had the getup and everything. Lander is amazing with his makeup." Andy said. Steven looked at Allen, placing a hand on top of his. Allen frown. "That was stupid of you. How could you be so careless? Do you know all the dangers that could have happened there?" Allen said with a glare.

Ryan, Steven, and Andy didn't get mad, but more upset. "Allen, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about what happened. Every day, I even thank you for finding me. But you can't let those things hold you back. Sure, I'm scared of being by myself and I need someone with me in public but will get better enough so I can be independent.

Ryan and Steven are not always going to be around just like you won't always be around Darrel." Andy said softly. He was glad Andy was getting better, but he didn't want to hear the last part. As long as he is alive he's going to be around Darrel. _Not meant to be here. It's time to leave._

Allen felt Darrel's hand on his own. "You're going to open it again," Darrel told him. Allen stopped scratching his bandage wrist. "Sorry. And I know Andy. It's just hard." Allen said softly. How is he this bad when Darrel went through worse? He is so weak. Andy got up to hug Allen softly, Allen starting to cry on his shoulder. "You'll get better Allen. It just takes time. And we'll be there for any time you need us." Andy said. Allen hopes he can believe those words.


	19. A Happy Ending/ A Better Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said they were compensated, but they don't want to depend on that money. Money for a rainy day. They just want to live life as normal as possible for them. 
> 
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> **This chapter is about healing. No one is 100% perfect and they are far from being alright. But this is healing and healing takes time. Mentions of relapse, but nothing that's triggering.**
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> **No one is 100% perfect, but they are happy. That's all that matters.**

Allen sat on the couch with and tv off and food cooking in the stove. It had been three years since that incident and he and Darrel were on the road to recovery. They got out of inpatient care after three months, determined to make their lives better. It started by getting rid of everything that was hurting them. They gave up on sex, not quite ready to have it anymore.

It was disgusting and dangerous for them at the moment. Next, they gave each other more distance and separated, not quite breaking up. They just needed to focus more on themselves than each other, but they have each other if one falls. After a year and Allen had to go back, per request of his therapist for a month, they talked more to each other and was more open to sharing.

They understood what triggers them and worked with it. They were to have the door open at all cost if they wanted privacy. They were okay with that. They finally kissed after six months of talking to each other and they were okay with that. When they finally slept together, they made sure to be fully clothed and Darrel had to sleep facing Allen, not liking that he couldn't see who was holding him.

Allen just had to have someone touching him and feeling Darrel's breath on his skin was a bonus. It calmed him and let him know the person was alive and well. They still focus on themselves, but they made room for each other. They wanted to be in each other's life, no matter who says they need to split. So they worked to get their GED and after the second year came by, Allen made enough for a studio apartment.

It wasn't the best, but it was his and that's all that mattered. His friends and family help made it home and after two months of himself getting used to bills and what was needed, Darrel moved in. Allen slept on the couch for a month before joining, still wanting to sleep fully clothed with each other.

Allen had a few knives in his apartment and it was strictly for the kitchen. Darrel cleans the room and made sure Allen didn't hide them. If he did, Darrel would switch out the knives for plastic butter knives until Allen spoke about what troubled him. The meds helped them, but it wasn't a cure.

But Allen was okay with that. He wore his scars openly, telling the world he survive and fought the depression. With help of course. Each day he would look at it and see it get old and count each day as an accomplishment each night he went without cutting.

He has his moments and new ones show up, but he's getting better and it's few and far between. Darrel was proud of him and it made him happy. Their parents and friends visit a lot and always remind them how much love they have for them. Darrel and Allen were grateful to have good friends, Andy very proud of Allen. They hug each time saying how much they were proud and how happy they seem.

Each time, those words were true. Allen was purely happy. Well over the third year since the incident, they were exploring themselves again. They weren't sexually active, not seeing the reason why it is needed, but they enjoy the intimacy of it. Just to view each other in their nude and touch it was a gift neither wanted to waste or abuse.

Sex wasn't needed, but it was nice to feel each other on a deeper level. That's when Allen knew he should pop the question. In all honesty, it'll be probably another year and a half until the wedding ceremony, but it was fine. Just knowing they would be together was enough.

Darrel wanted a bigger apartment so they could adopt one day. Allen just wanted a bunch of dogs, Daisy still with them and saving their lives with her positivity. They compromised and soon, they want to live in the country. In a quiet, safe neighborhood. It was a goal and that was what they were headed.  


But first, Allen was hoping Darrel would say yes to his marriage proposal.

Allen got up when the smell of cooked food filled the place and went to take it out to cool. It wasn't a romantic meal, but it was what they wanted. Darrel's comfort food was meatballs and Allen's was mac and cheese. Allen made both for each other. He was starting to feel bad he didn't make a special meal for the proposal. He didn't even make a romantic setting.

Maybe he should wait for another time to propose. But before he could change his mind and hide the ring, he heard the door open and Darrel walked in. "Hey, Allen. I'm sorry for coming in late. The library was a total wreck since many college students are studying for their finals and working for their papers." Darrel explained.

Allen heard Darrel put his satchel down as he made both of their plates. "It's okay. I was busy so I didn't worry so much. But it's nice to see you back. The food is ready. I cooked your favorite." Allen said out loud. He heard Darrel get closer until he felt Darrel's hands wrap around him from behind. "mmm, meatballs. Smells amazing." Darrel complimented. Allen turned around to place a small kiss onto Darrel's lips.

"Thank you." Darrel went to wash his hands as Allen placed the food on the living room table. Darrel joined him and turn on the tv, watching the news. Darrel likes to be updated on what was going on around him. If it was too much for one of us, he'll turn the channel to adult swim and we would watch family guy. 

They ate in silence, Darrel's leg resting on top of his and commented every now and then about the news. Allen listened silently, Darrel's voice soothing to him. "Hey, Darrel. Can I ask you something?" Allen asked. Darrel placed his empty plate down and cuddled beside Allen.

"Anything." Darrel said. "I know we're not fully better and all, but I want to continue with you. And if you think you're ready, I would like to marry you." Allen said, looking at his lap. Darrel was quiet and it made Allen nervous. He didn't propose in a special way either. He was slowly figuring out that maybe he didn't know how to. Going out wasn't an option since it was getting dark out and there were no candles Allen could've lit up due to the power outage thanks to the last storm. 

"Allen-" "I know we're messed up Darrel, but I'm ready to start our next chapter in life. Maybe it'll be a while before we can do a ceremony, but I'm willing to wait. I just want to be able to call you my fiancé." Allen explained. He was going to say more, but Darrel kissed him softly to shut him up. When they separated, Darrel was smiling.

"I would love to be your husband. I was surprised you beat me. I was going to ask you at the end of the week. I even have a ring." Darrel said. Allen smiled as well while Darrel got up to get the ring he got for Allen. Allen felt lucky and in love. He wanted nothing more but to hold Darrel and cuddle him in happiness. Darrel came back with a small box in his hand.

He sat onto Allen's lap and opened it. It was a silver band with a blue engraving that said, Husband. Allen wanted to cry. He took out the small box in his pocket and open it for Darrel, feeling a bit silly. It was a ring with a diamond on the top, followed by mini diamonds down the middle of the band.

"I know this wasn't as special as yours and I most certainly didn't present it that way." Allen said softly, placing the ring onto Darrel's ring finger. Darrel kissed his cheek. "It was perfect, Allen. I love you." Darrel slid his ring onto Allen's finger before kissing Allen lovingly. Allen held him close, ready to spend his future with his lover.  


They may be broken, cracked, or never be able to fit for society, but they will figure out how to live a happy life for themselves. It won't be perfect but they are okay with that because to them, it was.


End file.
